Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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