it's like heaven, but drunker
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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