you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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