i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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