guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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