fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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