It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
