Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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