capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
