last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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