I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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