don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
