You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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