Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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