Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
