Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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