That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
