We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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