i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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