she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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