Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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