Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
