do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
