i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
