Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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