i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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