my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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