So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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