just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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