1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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