THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
