Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
