I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
