that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
