You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Randomize
