Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
