I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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