I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
