my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
