the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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