Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
