Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
