i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
