She announced her abortion via fbk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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