On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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