just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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