p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
