I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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