you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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