I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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