I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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