it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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