I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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