I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
