How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
