and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is my gift to your gina
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
