Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
