lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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