Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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