your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
