If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
