i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
