Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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